14-Oct-2006: How to Tolerate the Intolerant?
I have a very strong moralistic streak and a tendency to become indignant and judgmental. Though it is sometimes
difficult, I do try to be aware of it and fight it. However, sometimes flashes of anger and condescension creep through. So,
what is the problem? you might ask. It is normal to side with the righteous and greet moral weakness and evil with
anger.
Maybe so.
But what if my anger is directed at those who already claim the high moral ground? What if I am angry at the
judgmental, the intolerant, the self-satisfied?
This is tricky, because I have already admitted to having those traits myself.
I recall a situation many years ago where I was having coffee with some colleagues and the question, "What would you do if you were
Prime Minister?" came up. When it came to my turn I pounded my fist on the table and said, "I will not tolerate intolerance."
Everyone laughed, but it set me to thinking that maybe I have a problem here.
Another case: two years ago I had a letter published in The Anglican Journal, Canada's nation-wide Anglican publication, in which
I passionately defended the rights of our gay brothers and sisters to participate fully in the sacraments of the church. We're talking gay
marriage here. I mentioned that Jesus' teachings said nothing about excluding any group. Now, the implication is that by supporting gay
marriage I am following Christ's teachings better than those who are opposed to it. Hardly a humble position to take. I ended the letter with
something like: my problem is not with our gay friends, but, rather, with those in the church who oppose their rights. How do I include them
in the message of being all-embracing and inclusive?
So, I try very hard to understand the point of view of those who take moral positions that I find repugnant. I cannot, to stick to the issue of
gay marriage, understand what the fuss is about. Gay people fall in love and want to make life-long commitments to each other.
It's not like they are some other species. We all come from the same place and are headed towards the same end. And have similar problems
along the way. Some people opposed to gay marriage exhibit a lot of fear. But, of what? I don't give two cents for what my neighbours might
or might not do in private. So, how do I understand a fear that I have never felt?
The only way I can achieve a glimmer of understanding is by picturing a tribe of humans, about twenty members or so, living on the savannah.
A stranger appears. Their instinct to protect their territory kicks in and they drive the stranger away. Same as any other animal that
lives in tribes. That is the only way I can understand xenophobia.
But, the point of this really is: how can I live with those whose views I find reprehensible and still respect their attitudes? It's not like
we are two sides of the same coin, and it's a tossup about who's right. They find my ideas reprehensible as well and might say things like, "You're
just a panty-waist liberal with his head in the clouds." I could answer back, "You're a Neanderthal. It's time to wake up to the 21st century."
(Which is probably a disservice to the Neanderthal.) But it gets neither of us anywhere.
The onus is on me, believing in inclusion of all in the human family, to somehow reconcile my beliefs with those who want to treat humans
as if they fall into different classes with different rights. It is easy to embrace a gay man and call him brother; it is extremely difficult
to defend those who think he is some sort of threat.
You see the problem?