07-Oct-2006: All of our agents are presently busy.
How often do we hear that phrase during the course of the day? Well, I hear it very often because, working
with income taxes, I frequently call government offices. I've also heard it on tech support lines and
on lines connected to large businesses.
I don't know if residents of other English-speaking countries hear that exact phrase when they telephone
large organizations
for help or information. I hope they don't; I mean, I hope they hear a message
that makes sense in English.
Whenever I hear that phrase, my immediate thought is: Then why
can't they take my call now? On hearing my response, you might wonder what I am talking about, or think
that I am being overly-pendantic—maybe you would say that everyone knows what they mean.
Maybe everyone does understand what they mean. Just like they understood Winston tastes good like a cigarette
should. The individual words make sense, but when strung together, leave many
(for example, someone just learning the language; or those who grew up speaking a different brand
of English) puzzled. A teacher in England, for example, might say in a classroom:
What a cockup; does anyone have a rubber? and none of her students would think anything of it. Say that
same thing in a North American classroom and you'd create havoc. Parents would vigorously complain and you'd likely
be called before some sort of disciplinary board to try to explain yourself.
So, what's wrong with All of our agents are presently busy? Well, to this English speaker and to
those who had a similar upbringing in the language, the word presently is not a synonym for at this
moment; it refers to the future, like the word soon. Our agents will soon be busy? What kind
of excuse is that for not answering the telephone now? Webster's first definition of the word presently
is in a little while, soon. In Webster's Third (I have the full three volumes), the meaning
of "right now, this very minute" is marked as archaic.
Why have governments and businesses adopted the word in its archaic meaning? My theory is that market research
shows it is a friendlier way of saying: "We're too busy to take your call," or that it can be understood
by most English-speaking callers (taking into account the various forms of spoken English around the
world). "All our employees are busy right now"
sounds more "natural" to my ear than "All of our agents are presently busy." And the word agent—when
did that become an accceptable synonym for employee?
What really concerns me when I hear this phrase and others like it is that I am
hearing some sort of machine-generated language. It is bland, meant to calm the frustrated caller. It was generated
by a committee of experts in human behaviour that don't give a damn about shades of meaning and
grammatical niceties. Or, maybe they have an electronic application that can translate an expression
into dozens of languages, yet avoid offending anyone in any language group.
I can only speculate. That doesn't mean I have to like it.